PURPOSE

When I started this blog my main purpose was an outlet to openly convey some of my inner feelings and/or thoughts as well as accept others rhetorical views. I see I have lost my purpose! That in itself is a profound statement and may be the exact reason for my current season.

Staying true, Winter is absolutely, positively not my favorite time of the year. This winter has appeared to be extremely more difficult than others. Of course maybe because I AM just living through the ordeals and my memory of past winters has faded (yes, yes...it's an age factor!).

I feel like I need a focal point again. Maybe it's that I took my mind of the focal point....which was me. I seem to find enough time for everyone else but become reluctant to reward myself as often as I had been doing.

So March is here and I am dedicated to place myself back on the burner, rather than on the back burner. Mama needs some pampering. Gym is calling and I'm gonna answer.....I am taking back my purpose, as the great Steve Martin would say!!

I hope everyone else has made it through this Winter with a positive attitude and I have one more suggestion: Please keep praying for sunshine and hot weather!!

The Best Medicine

Of all the medicinal and pharmaceutical supplies known to mankind, I have to agree "Laughter is the best medicine!"
We recently moved. Let's just say the previous residence was complicated. We stayed in our new home for the first time this past weekend and I realized that simple things in life can bring so much joy.
I could hear the laughter of my children again. What sweet pleasure that made in my tympanic membrane. It brought an instant smile to my face and tears to my eyes. I love to hear my children full of happiness and joy.
What a difference the environment can play. My stress level has even decreased.

Choose carefully who, when, where, and why; when allowing people to enter your life. Remember family ties are not always a connection of bloodline but rather a respect and yearning to embrace one another.
So as I continue this journey, I am satisfied with the recent change....and I am convinced that Laughter is the best medicine!!

Let Go.....

Life is truly a journey. There are times when you may think you have everything together and the walls will crumble down even though a brick has not been removed (that's if yawls walls are made of bricks!).
Maybe that's the time we should contemplate the value and strengths we have decided to use as a foundation (our bricks and mortar, given an analogy). They say you learn everything you need to know in Kindergarten and I believe there is TRUTH in that statement. I can recall a story about a big, bad wolf and three little pigs. So be careful what you use to build your house.
We can definitely be deceived by false witness(that big, bad wolf is sneaky, Lord knows!).
So I am taking a refresher course in evaluating the bricks and mortar of my foundation. I am not a religious type people(whatever that means!) but I do feel a spirtual connection in life. I am going to make every attempt to become more in tune with my spiritual side since I have allowed some people to interfer with my foundation. Hey, no blame, not their fault, as a matter of fact it may have very well been their lifes' purpose to keep ME aware! That's good, because everyone needs serious reevaluation at times.
I am in control of my own feelings and actions. I confess it is difficult at times(very difficult) but only change is constant and this change is part of my journey, my life!
So I am going to be thankful for what I have and not what I want to have. Sometimes what we want to have isn't what we need...and that's how I am going to view it. I am going to let go (even if it wears me down) and I am going to let my spirit soar. It's sad this foundational collapse, but this shall make me stronger. It shall make me more aware of whom, how, where, and when I chose my rebuilding material. In the inspirational words of an incredibly distinguished and devote woman: "And still I rise....

I.C.U.

Watching the behavior pattern of people is literally amusing. Really, I could sit for hours and just watch people, every kind of people; cause you know they say it takes every kind of people.
Unfortunately, that includes the mean spirited as well....what is most annoying is those who try to exist in a world of non-acceptance. They are controlling, vindictive, greedy and definitely unable to accept change. Those are the people that have a high tendency to signify. Boy can they signify...
The funny thing is that they don't believe anyone notices their behavior....well I.C.U. I don't like it and I am trying to remove them from my atmosphere both physically and spiritually. Usually I'm decent at spotting them to so just wanted to add: ICU from a mile away!
It's time to do a little cleaning and cleansing for body, mind, and soul. I am working on ridding the negative components from my life and accentuating on positive influence. I am also learning to forgive myself for the choices I have made. The choices that have placed me in a compromising situation at times and effected my journey as well as my childrens. That's a bit more difficult for me, but hey it's a work in progress and that's a good thing: "Progress".

Just when I thought.....

You know life is truly funny, downright hysterical at times and then there are those times when we have to laugh SO HARD to keep from crying......guess where I'm at? Yep, still trying to keep the laughter alive as I blog today...
My greatest misconception has been that family, I'm speaking bloodline, should feel a sense of bonding, a true relationship....but not nearly so in my case. All my true family(bloodline) has passed, never to be replaced, so I've made my own family and find more comfort and compassion in my chosen crew then my "remaining" bloodline. It can be very disheartening at times....especially in the sign of the times....
Just when I thought it was safe to trust, they remind me that it just isn't so. I get to a point where I believe what they say, and they really mean the opposite. It's so scary, I just have to laugh.
I believe that's my issue with trust. It stems from not being able to trust those around me, I'm talking about the cornerstone of unconditional loving trust. They try, they put forth a good effort but when it comes down to a reality check, they are off the charts! It's just a menagerie showcase. How can you trust someone who is constantly dissecting and filling your life with negative thoughts? It's what I call the dope fiend move, they must make me look bad to make them self look better.
Thankfully, I know who I am, I know what I want for my children...nothing will stand in the way of that , including family...I've got some more tough decisions but I will survive.
It's just indescribable to know that you are a constant rejection in the eyes of your family...it's a fantasy world they have created and hey, if they like living in it, I love to let them...just don't f**k with my children....
This is another stepping stone in life for me, maybe actually just a continual confirmation of the "certifibility" of my family...they are certfiably crazy.

"Ask him how much of your mind...

I am a strong woman and take pride in my accomplishments, but you know there's always a test. The American Broadcasting System ain't got sh** on life. Life will pick you up, toss you around, and throw you to the ground....but hey through it all, you've got to love it and appreciate the lessons of life.
I have learned to not become to comfortable, complacent, or confident...an old addiction adage. That's because just when you feel you may have your mind set, something happens to break you down, or at least make an attempt.
I am dealing with some serious "issues" with a friend and it has left me feeling highly emotional this week. It has drudged up many memories of what life used to like for me and my children and shown me what may have been a reality for us had I not found the presence of mind when I did. For that I must thank my higher power, my spiritual communication.
I must remember that my life; body, mind, soul, and spirit, is a constant work in progress. It must be progress in order to embrace my strength and spirit to overcome obstacles that may sideswipe me.
I have a very difficult task this morning and I have not slept well for days, I know what I must do despite the consequences it may cause. I have been up preparing my mind for this feat and still feel very distraught with it all.
I'll get through it, I know I will, but at what cost? I hope, I pray the choices I make will benefit those I truly love.
So as we gather here to get through life......shall we all be strength for each other? Shall we all remember the fragility in peace of mind? shall we all take time to build our strengths so when we need, it is there. Shall we all take time to lift our spirits so it will rise to any occassion.

WE are Family

Just celebrated the Fourth of July (and my Birthday, Numero 46)! Holidays are a good time for reflection and understanding true bonds of friendship and kinship.
Family may mean a bloodline connection to some people but for me it is so much MORE....I have been so fortunate in my life to have been blessed with four wonderful children to nurture and teach but I have been equally blessed with a host of wonderful "family" that has been chosen through many years of experiences, love, laughter, and tears.
They bring such joy to my life and I am so thankful to have them. Our family has grown with new births and it is amazing to see the changes and love continue. I love the family I have chosen.
I love my children beyond measure. They are my heart, my support, my spirit, my soul, my reason.
This Fourth of July was astounding! Thank you all of my family that helped make it so special. I love you all!